certain kinds of bloggers

I am bored and have a dearth of blogs to read therefore I took the burden of ‘discovering meaningful blogs’ on my frail shoulders and after blog-hopping for a while I decided that most bloggers can be classified into the following. Read on.,

1) Copywriters/crafters – They are the ones who excel in copy-pasting. Few lines quoting a poet/writer/philosopher/anyone and 2-3 lines of their own and they are done. There are others who don’t even bother to scribble 2-3 lines themselves. They happily post an entire email forward which all of us are tortured with in our inboxes. (I delete them without reading). An erstwhile friend had insisted that these forwards are their way of showing that ‘they remember’, an easy way to stay in touch. Now tell me, if you get a fwd with 100 email ids tagged along, do you even care that you were remembered ?

But I am digressing .. there are subclasses within them. some post inspirational forwards, others jokes and so n so forth.

2) Letter-writers/epistolary bloggers – They write blogs as if they are writing letters to a gallery of audience. Something like, “I am doing well, so is my mum and my aunt, (who is perhaps visiting) or my girl-friend kicked me” type of things. More or less, starting with “Hi friends, How are you?” then continuing with their oft repeated tales. Their posts are similar with few details shuffled – for ex.. if the aunt was visiting in the previous post, she would have left by now, or if the gf kicked him, he would be sore, so the commentators will continue to sympathize and motivate him to find a new girl.

3) Exhibitionists, the too-much-information types – According to them, its their online journal/diary wherein they jot their day-today activity and are so precise that they might even conclude the post with; I’ve to go pee so the rest of it will be jotted later.

4) The paragons – Some of them are so effing excelled in their respective fields that they blog to make the inept you ‘their equals.’ They will give you tips on how to write, walk, dress, talk, love, and all drat. The ‘womenkind’ mostly inform you that wearing pink stilettos with green evening-gown is a social crime and the menkind who are usually the tech-pros, enlighten you that firefox is the name of a browser and it isn’t an extinct animal like dinosaurs.

5) Movers and shakers – I call them movers and shakers coz they have to keep their blog moving by shaking you into commenting. If they did not exist you might have totally missed the significance of an important day and then they might lose their rank, hard-earned popularity/ pals/commentators so they just write anything to increase their post counts. It can be one line like “Happy Diwali” or two lines like – Today is Diwali. So Happy Diwali. Whatever.

6) Professionals – Their sole aim is to increase the traffic by hook or crook. Someone told them that they can become tatas and ambanis(in term of assets) sitting at home ergo their blog is infested with all kind of ads and they even give you tips on – how to earn through blogs.

7) Brooders – they are usually morbid people and are convinced that blogging has the power to cure their bipolar depression symptoms, and to make matters worse, they are introverts. Their writing has the power to activate your lachrymal glands.

8) attention cravers - They try all they can to grab attention, be it writing on volatile political scenarios, making confessions of their sex lives, instigating you by rabid remarks on a caste, community or gender, city, anything which gets on the nerves of surfers and leads into some kind of heated debate. Their mantra ‘any publicity is good publicity”

9) Flirts – They are here to impress someone from the opposite sex. It’s not their sole fishing territory where they hope to be hooked. They have a shaadi.com profile which they regularly update and a mollycoddling mother who keeps finding them matches. They mostly write about their man-woman hunt or their dating experiences and in the process .. do I need to elaborate?

10) Thinkers, philosophers – they are the spiritual gurus. So what if they do not have a following in the real life and could not mint money by imparting sermons? They assume that they have admirers on the web. They write as if they are standing/sitting on a pedestal and addressing the fellow mortals. If you have the luck, they might visit you and sermonize on your own space. (Some of them are referred as agony aunts/uncles.)

11) Niche band - they are health freaks, fitness gurus, recipe writers, photographers who add varied hues to the emblazoned paraphernalia and have some avid followers mostly of their own kind.

12) Wannabes – And finally, the great poets and writers, who reckon they are the next best thing after Marquez or Byron. They could not find a publisher but once discovered they will cause a tsunami in the literary world and hence for the moment they are wasting themselves on a blog which no one reads.

Disclaimer : - I belong to one, in fact more than one category myself. Its written for fun and if you actually read this crap then kudos.. you can suggest me some other types that I might have missed ..