Are you alone?
#My alarm was ringing in the morning around 5 am but I was so so lazy to get outta my quilt that I kept ignoring. Finally Don (that’s my Dog’s name) lost his patience n started licking my nose .. His eyes look so different in the morning – they are still misty but the light of awakening is in them …I sprang out of my bed n looked for my jacket, his jacket ..socks woolen scarf .. Gosh .. waking up in the morning is a big pain, even on a normal day n in winters .. sigh :( Its darn cold, fog envelopes the city streets – whether it is due to the dust, the exhaust of tired, snarled traffic or the cold, one can’t tell, but the trees and hedges loom like phantoms, the street lamps are hazy.
I was a bit late today – so by the time we were done with our morning stroll the sun was rising .. now the sky was streaked with a strange color – some kind of bleeding pink ..
#I haven’t been able to update my blogs regularly. Apart from the lack of interest, life’s been strangely busy for me.
Me n Don are alone these days – its been almost 20 days .. my parents left for states .. to be with my sister .. coz the baby is due .. soon ..
I’m excited .. the only regret is, I’m gonna be the only one "missing" in the celebration. It was really tough for my mother to leave. A daughter saat samundar paar needs her but for that she had to leave another daughter behind – alone for months. But I’m a big girl .. n this is the time to prove .. :) I’m feeling ‘old’ n responsible for the first time ..
So everyone – has the following questions for me these days .. " mom dad .. both are gone?" "you mean you are alone?" "when are they coming back?" "you gonna be alone for so long?" "why didn’t you go?" "how couldn’t you go?" "you don’t want to see your sis’ baby?" blah blah .. People people – its already tough for me .. don’t make me worse .. but sadly they don’t read my blogs – so there ….
#I had big plans .. the things I was supposed to do … when my parents are gone .. but nothing materialized. I’m basically a loner – have very few friends n they all are busy when I need them .. hehe .. probably they have the same opinion about me ..
In summers I walk Don in a nearby park – buy him an ice- cream.. but all ice creams wallahs have disappeared coz of winters. I still enjoy that walk .. in the evening .. The park is usually deserted in late evenings but the air still bears the scent of dusk, dampness of grasses n the murmers of people who must have left .. just a moment back. You can see so many distant lights .. through the luminous mists .. we sit there n watch stars.. the moon passing over it’s nightly path .. quietly .. that moment is so perfect .. sometimes there are floods of colors like crimson n purple giving the glimpse of another world than this- somewhere .. there is depth of quiet .. rest .. n love. We don’t even move .. even Don is strangely quiet .. as if a single careless move is going to topple it ..
#I made a list ..
Things I think I can’t do alone ..
1) I can shop .. but I can’t buy clothes on my own .. coz I need somebody’s opinion ..
2)I can’t go to a restaurant n have a meal .. alone. Can have a quick bite ..burger .. coffee or get the stuff packed n leave .. but can’t have a full meal ..
3)I can’t watch a movie in the theatre – alone ..
So I decided .. I’m gonna do all this ..
Started with clothes .. the easiest one. It was quiet a pleasant task. These days – with a dozen sales-people around you .. you are never short of opinions .. "mam this looks really nice on you" "mam the color compliments your complexion" the outcome was – I ended up buying more than I’d decided...
Then .. I planned a romantic dinner with myself .. but I surprised ‘me’ .. When I thought about it – I concluded – I haven’t ever ventured out alone in the night. Maybe long back – when I was in post-grad I was taking guitar lessons in the evening ..
Of course I have worked in the past till 11 n 12 .. but then I just had to walk outta office n slip into the car .. while my driver waited. If I’m alone on the streets .. n it begins to get dark .. I start shivering .. The only time I dared to come back home alone around 8:30 pm I had a terrible accident ..
Ergo .. I thought its better to have a romantic lunch .. and I set forth with much grace as if I’d been a veritable guest to my own self…
That was another hialrious experience coz the waiter placed 2 menu cards on the table. When I placed my order .. he confirmed .. "One plate ??" I smiled n said .. "yes, I don’t eat in 2 plates" After a while – there were 3 waiters attending me .. giving me every detail .. of their specialties .. n the dishes I’m gonna love the most ..
It was fun ..n I tipped them handsomely ..
Third – is the toughest. I’m dying to see"Ek Ajnabi" for past couple of weeks .. I’m postponding .. but I’m sure I’m gonna "do it" next week .. ":D
#Life’s not a room .. it’s a road .. a road going nowhere . on & on .. meaningless. No turning back .. no stopping . no end .. no goal .. best to go alone .. allowing no claims ..
"Our own posessions – though our own
’Tis well to hoard new –
Remembering the Dimensions
Of Possibility"
(Of course by Emily Dickinson)
